I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked God for Forgiveness.
Going to church doe snot make you a christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Y es” is the answer.
Evening news is where they begin with good evening and then tell you why it is not.
Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, ” I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich. The End